The Upbringing of Children between Egypt and the USA

Published in August 10, 2018

Translated by: Ahmed Fathy

Firstly: the first case: too much love sometimes kills:

1- A working wife who has a generous nature and is very helpful to her husband and children has dedicated her life to her family; her husband has took advantage of her generosity, kind nature, and dedication; he is both lazy and selfish; he expects his wife to be like a female slave that he owned. She bears patiently with him for the sake of her two sons and her only daughter; she was very honest and fair in her governmental job; she did her best in her job and at home. She lived in a small town in Egypt away from the capital Cairo. Before going out to work, she typically prepares the breakfast meal for her husband and children and feeds the hens, ducks, etc. she keeps on the roof. Once she is home from work, she continues her daily chores of laundry, cooking, cleaning, sweeping, washing the dishes, etc. while her husband would be sitting on the couch languidly watching TV. Her husband at such a situation never budges from his place; he keeps telling her to bring him water, crackers, etc. She never demanded help at home from him or from her sons or her daughter; she served them devotedly and happily as a faithful, dutiful wife and mother. Her two sons immigrated and left Egypt for good; her husband retired at the age of 60, he is now very ill and is served by his working wife, who is now in her fifties, within devotion and sense of duty.      

2- The real problem is her only daughter who is the youngest of her children; she takes after her father especially in his laziness and selfishness; when she was a young girl, her mother was very happy to do anything instead of her daughter; she carried her things and her schoolbag and she did her homework instead of her; she never let her help in the chores. This daughter was brought up while relying on her mother in almost everything; she was never taught how to cook, how to make her bed, how to wash and iron her clothes, etc. She saw that her mother did everything by herself without asking for help and without complaining. This selfish daughter used to feign being ill to get the attention of her mother if she felt that the mother cared a little more for the two sons or any other relatives. this daughter grew up and graduated from the university and got married; her husband found her to be perfectly unbearable and too dependent, good-for-nothing young woman; he kept working two shifts day and night while leaving his wife to live at the house of her mother and ill father; the mother would serve her and her male baby and then drive her to the house of her husband before his return on midnight; the mother cleaned the house of her daughter and cooked meals for her daughter's husband! 

3- This devoted mother and wife is at the age of 59 now; her ill husband is bedridden; their grandson (the son of their daughter) is very naughty and he troubles and annoys them every day when their daughter comes to stay all the day with them. The mother told her daughter she cannot serve her and her son and the bedridden husband at the same time. The bedridden father kept screaming at his pampered daughter to bear responsibility for herself and the care of her naughty son and to leave the old mother alone to serve him only. He told her to stop being lazy and she must learn how to serve herself and how to take care of her son and husband; the reaction of the daughter was to faint and to claim she is depressed and shocked. The old mother felt she would die of fatigue one day if no solution would be found. She took her dolled-up, pampered daughter to a psychiatrist who gave her useless medicaments and drugs that made her condition worsen instead of curing her of her sense of being a child still. This daughter would typically wake up and go to her mother's house to eat and watch TV; she would see her relatives help her mother and she would merely chat with them about everything, from politics to sports, and she would give her opinions/views and pieces of advice to solve their own problems! If any relative would advise her to grow up and bear responsibility for her husband and son, she would scream and faint; the relatives (and the mother and her bedridden husband) have decided never to open such a subject.   

4- When we have been consulted about this problem, we said that this poor mother and her bedridden husband must decide never to receive their daughter at their house anymore. This pampered daughter is the victim of her mother and father who never taught her anything in life and pampered her way too much; the other victim is the son of such a pampered daughter. God says in 31:14 that two years are enough to breastfeed one's baby and then the child must discover the world around him/her and not to cling to the mother. This mother must never help her daughter any longer; she will be forced to be dependent to preserve her own life and to care for her only son; her parents will die one day and leave her and no one will bear with her laziness and dependence; her parents must prepare her for this stage by leaving her to face life in order to gradually become a real mother and a real wife; she must be prevented from visiting her parents; she must be forced to remain in her own house to serve herself and her husband and to take care of her only son. The too much love from her parents is a blind love that has done her too much harm. Too much love sometimes kills.  

5- This daughter is not born crippled; blind love or too much love from her parents has made her crippled!

Secondly: the second case:

1- Like most Egyptian children, this male kid and his brothers and sisters were brought up as dependent on their mother, who was a housewife, regarding everything. This male child was the most dependent among his siblings; he relied on his mother within all his needs. This mother prepared all meals for her children; she fed and clothed them and she routinely washed and ironed their clothes and she helped them study their school curricula and do the school homework; she did the dishes daily and cleaned the bathroom and the house; she had her everyday chores and asked no one of her children to help her. This is typical in most houses in Egyptian cities.

2- This male child has grown up as an adult and graduated from the university; he continued his laziness at home, served by his mother within all his needs; his brothers got jobs at the Gulf monarchies and his sisters got married. He began to dream of immigrating to the USA; once he got the entry visa, he married an American woman and he got a legal extension of stay inside the USA. His Egyptian culture contradicts the American one of his wife; his wife forced him to do his share of the daily chores besides his time-consuming and demanding job. His wife bore him a pretty daughter; this daughter received an American-culture-based upbringing from her mother. The mother talked to her since her first year and explained to her everything as if the daughter would understand what she heard. The mother made her choose what clothes to wear; she talked to her sternly whenever she wept or cried; the daughter slept in her own bed alone; her mother told her bedtime stories. The daughter entered the Kindergarten and began to talk and walk. Her mother taught her the first words: (Thank you), (Please), and (I am sorry). Her mother taught her how to use the TV set, the cellular phone, and other house appliances; she was taught how to carry her schoolbag and how to make her bed, etc. When the daughter would make a mistake, her mother would suspend her in her room; she was sent to her room for certain periods whenever she repeated any mistakes. This two-year-old daughter now has an independent nature; she helps her parents in the house chores and she imitates their daily activities such as reading books; she goes out with her parents while carrying her little handbag; she smiles to all people she encounters as she was taught to do so by her mother. Her Egyptian-American father is so proud of her and he cannot bear to stay away from her for a long time; she clings to him more than to her mother because the mother is rather strict with her; with such upbringing, this daughter is being prepared to be an independent individual.           

Lastly:

1- The West culture, especially in the USA, is centered around the individual; each individual is brought up to be independent and to choose his/her lifestyle while bearing responsibility for choices made. Many successes and achievements of the West are based on successful individuals; thus, any society which is formed by free, responsible individuals is based on human rights and democracy and no tyrants might emerge and deceive citizens.  

2- The Arab culture, especially in Egypt, is centered around the family; each family has its 'big person' who calls the shots; a mother or a father. Children are brought up while being dependent on this 'big person'; when they grow up as adults, they depend on the bigger family; i.e., the government which educate them and give them jobs while controlling them and confiscating their freedom, rights, and dignity.

3- The extreme difficulty of the democratic transition that we ardently wish for Egypt and the Arab countries lies in this very word: (transition).

3/1: This transition is a cultural one by establishing the culture of democracy in educational institutions, media, and the way of upbringing at home. Children are to be taught democracy and diversity as well as different views; they are to learn to respect the right to be different and the value of justice, as democracy is the form of political justice. The criterion here is to stop once and for all the control and dominance of clergymen of any type; otherwise, democracy would be a mere label and tool to reinforce tyranny and corruption and to produce corrupters and tyrants elected by a society of ignoramuses; this is the case now in the countries of the Muhammadans.

3/2: This transition is a practical one; i.e., its application is to establish mechanisms of practicing democracy; this way, legislative reform will be based on sound democratic values and training people to be leaders to supervise elections of any kind; this also includes the spread of NGOs to encourage citizens to join the public service and this will lessen the interference of the government in all fields, as per the desired legislative reform. 

3/3: Without the above points, the Arab nations will remain crippled like the first case mentioned in this article.

3/4: The Lord God has not create crippled nations/peoples; they are the ones who choose such a state of being crippled.

3/5: This means that once a nation/people change their state of being crippled into dignity and self-respect, God's Divine Will, of course, will support this change to the better. God says in the Quran: "...God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is within themselves..." (13:11). As always, God says nothing but the Absolute Truth.